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To Mediate or Not to Mediate: The Question of Power Imbalance, Part I
-{4:00 minutes to read} Certain relationships are problematic and challenging, whether in mediation or litigation. This article looks at one…
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“Someday” and “Maybe” Numbers: The Challenge of Dividing Retirement Assets Part 3
-{4:00 minutes to read} In Part 2, we discussed marital vs non-marital retirement assets and how some of those assets…
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“Someday” and “Maybe” Numbers: The Challenge of Dividing Retirement Assets – Part 2
-{4:00 minutes to read} Just because we determine a value for something does not mean we divide it! Often spouses…
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“Someday” and “Maybe” Numbers: The Challenge of Dividing Retirement Assets – Part 1
-{2:48 minutes to read} “Hands off,” decries one spouse, “I worked for this, not you. Back off, you lazy sot!”…
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Look Who is Coming to the Mediation Table
-{4:54 minutes to read} What happens when attorneys join clients in matrimonial mediation? It’s anyone’s guess! Generally, in my practice,…
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Anger & Vitriol – and What to Do About Them in Divorce
-{6:12 minutes to read) Yes, you’re mad as hell and you’re not gonna take it anymore! That’s what divorce is…
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The Mediator Will See You Now…
-{4:18 minutes to read} Often, with the best intentions, clients prepare for mediation by trying to resolve as many things…
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Sundays, Bloody Sundays
-{4:42 minutes to read} Sundays are not known to be the bright spot of the week. Sundays, especially Sunday evenings,…
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Is There Room For Other Professionals in Mediation?
-{3:18 minutes to read} People going through divorce often discover they need more help than they initially imagined. Not only…
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Why Do People Get Divorced?
-{6:12 minutes to read} First, it should be said, no one divorces lightly. No one has ever walked into my…
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How Do We Understand Family During Divorce?
-{4:18 minutes to read} How do we understand family in a way that’s useful during divorce? First, it’s helpful to…
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Are We There Yet? (Or How Long Does Divorce Mediation Take?)
-{4:00 minutes to read} How long is this going to take? When can we get this over with? When people…
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What Are We Celebrating Here?
-{3:54 minutes to read} The holidays, now encroaching practically on back-to-school week, are here again. For many, ringing in the…
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Curiosity: The Little Word that Could
-{5:80 minutes to read} Curiosity: A simple word that can unlock possibilities, shift paradigms, and free us from the…
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What is a Family?
-{4:06 minutes to read} Recently, a mediation client exclaimed, “I want to stay married. I want us to still be…
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It Takes 2, Baby!? Or, What Happens When Only One Person Wants the Divorce?
-{6:48 minutes to read} In New Jersey, divorce requires only one willing party. So what about the other party? The…
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How to Save Money and Affirm Life by Mediating Your Divorce
-{4:24 minutes to read} No one wants to spend more money than absolutely necessary on their divorce. No one has…
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The Magic of the Winter Picnic
-{9:54 minutes to read} Divorce, Money and How to Insulate the Children One winter evening, when I was five,…
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Rachel “Andy Rooney” Alexander—An Op-Ed Blog
-{3:18 minutes to read} Why is everything so truncated and terrible these days? Why can’t we have something that works…
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Divorce: Know When to Hold ‘Em, Know When to Fold ‘Em
-{5:36 minutes to read} Recently, a young man, Dave*, called the office, reeling from the discovery of his wife’s infidelity…
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The Difference Between the Mediator, the Draftsman, and Bartleby the Scrivener
-{7:18 minutes to read} On occasion, clients enter mediation with a proposed property settlement agreement in hand—something they have put…
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Changing the Other vs Leaving Them Alone
-Things would work, if only s/he would change {7:36 minutes to read} Many relationships seem to have to do with…
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Ode to Validation: The Actual Contents of the Milk of Human Kindness
-The Path to Validation Is Through Our Ears {6:48 minutes to read} Validation is the yeast of a marriage. Without…
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Validation—How We Speak Is How We Love
-{4:24 minutes to read} There is a saying that goes, “In heaven, there’s no talking, because men invented heaven.” OK,…
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Why People Divorce: The Breakdown That Precedes the Breakup
-{4:12 minutes to read} As a divorce mediator, I’m often asked: Why do people get divorced? What went wrong? Money…
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Whose Side Are We On? The Same Side!
-{3:00 minutes to read} Not long ago, I heard something fairly remarkable in my mediation session. To set the scene…
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Alimony Ain’t Easy!
-{8:18 minutes to read} As a divorce mediator and family law attorney, I am often asked, “What’s the formula to…
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Parental Alienation—Right Here on Earth
-Parental alienation occurs when one parent hinders or disrupts, even poisons the relationship between the child and the other (usually…
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Creating a Healthy Divorce Narrative for your Kids
-There are a lot of recommendations about how to tell your children you are getting divorced. This article concentrates on…
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Parentification
-Childhood, until the mid-18th century, it is commonly believed, was not conceptualized as a particular stage in life. As reflected…
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The Dissipation of Marital Assets
-{4:31 minutes to read} Dissipation of marital assets is an important topic arising in matrimonial law and mediation. Towards the…
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What Is ESP in New Jersey, and Do You Need a 6th Sense to Benefit?
-{5:36 minutes to read} When divorcing couples are on the (complex) litigation track, at a certain point in the process,…
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How a Divorce Support Group Can Help You
-Getting a divorce could have a profound impact on the rest of your life. Going through a divorce alone is…
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A healthy approach to creating a Post-Divorce Budget
-Budgeting – the very mention of it – sends many people into something like anaphylactic shock. They stop breathing, rouge,…
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What Makes Divorce so Scary?
-One of my tasks as a New Jersey and New York mediator is to normalize my clients lives as they…
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The Progression Of The Species
-“Before you speak ask yourself: Is it kind, Is it necessary, Is it true, Does it improve upon the silence?”…
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The Principal And The Practical
-Often when people are unable to move through conflict, it is because they are adhering to what they believe is…
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Reentering The Workforce – Part 2
-In the last blog, we looked at re-entering the workforce with a focus on work being an articulation of Self.…
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Reentering The Workforce
-Divorce is such a troublemaker because it brings up so many troublesome life issues. One of them is work. Work…
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Going Without And Going Within
-One of the challenges of divorce is going without. Almost everyone goes through a monetary strain during divorce because running…
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What Divorce Can And Can’t Do
-This week I spoke with a gentleman who, during a 22-year marriage, amassed a considerable pension. His wife, on the…
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The Big Freeze: Overcoming Inertia What To Do When You Can’t Do A Thing
-Everyone’s heard of fight or flight, but what about freeze? One of our responses to fear is freezing which is…
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A Communication Template For Divorced Parents
-Communicating is riddled with potholes. This is particularly so for divorced couples whose relationship may be strained with distrust, unresolved…
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Find Solid Ground In Rough Waters: The Usefulness Of Goals
-Sometimes a clear goal can work like a life preserver, pulling you through tumultuous waters onto the safety of solid…
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Create A Family Manifesto: Bring Unity By Developing Your Own Rules Of Law
-Straddling two addresses is difficult enough for an adult, but for a child who has limited control over his environment,…
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Can A Divorce Mediator Help Couples Stay Together?
-One of my goals as a mediator is to help people discern what is in their best interest – what…
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Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
-A woman I know has been trying to decide what she should do about her marriage. She has a love…
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The Power Of “I Don’t Know”
-“Whoever cannot seek the unforeseen sees nothing, for the known way is an impasse.” Heraclitus There is nothing like divorce…
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If Divorce Is In The Future, What Documents Do You Need And Why?
-Claudia Mott is a Certified Financial Planner® with a specialty in divorce. We have invited her to act as a…
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What’s Your Story? Here’s Mine.
-Years ago, when I went through my own divorce, I found myself at sea (alone and on a rather shoddy…
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It’s A Matter Of Time …
-Here it is – some empirical proof that things really do shake out after divorce. Not only does this Wall Street…
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4 Tips To Let The Light In But Keep The Bugs Out
-Are you the kind of person whose first thought when something goes awry is, “What did I do wrong?” If…
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Two Canine Commands That Are Worthy Of Us All
-Certain dog commands are brilliant, simple and wise. They have poignancy and relevance for us all. These commands can be…
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Why God Is In The Details
-In life as in everything else, there is a place for the big picture approach, but there is also a…
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Spaghetti? Murder Mysteries? Ben & Jerry’s? What Is Your Favorite Coping Strategy?
-What coping skills do professionals recommend to clients going through divorce or other crises? Which should be utilized and which…
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Gratitude
-As our Jewish brethren welcome the New Year, it’s a good opportunity to reflect on what we have to be…
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Creating Stability In A Time Of Transition – Part 2
-Part 1 of this series focused on how to create stability in your life when going through a disruptive time…
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Creating Stability In A Time Of Transition – Part 1
-There are few things more terrifying than the unknown. We want to feel like we have our feet under us…
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Stress and Divorce, Part 2
-When acutely stressed, we first want to turn to our bodies, which provide the pathway into the part of our…
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Why Is Managing Stress During Divorce So Important? Part 1
-We all experience stress from time to time, but when we find ourselves experiencing unrelenting anxiety it may be our…
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Facing Divorce and Feeling Overwhelmed?
-In most “traditional” marriages, there is a division of labor. One party typically is in charge of paying the bills,…
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Inner Dialogue: The Foundation Of Compassionate
-“Compassionate toward yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world.” Lao Tzu , Tao Te Ching We begin, always, with…
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Managing Our Emotions
-Managing our emotions may be one of adulthood’s major challenges. How well we are able to self-soothe defines at least…
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Learning To Let Go
-The principle of letting go is worth wrestling with. It’s a wonderful concept, and yet, unlike breathing, and other behaviors…
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The Four Styles Of Communication
-In recent blogs, we’ve been exploring communication. In this blog we will simply identify the four basic styles of communication.…
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Your Divorce And Your Health [Insurance]
-Health care coverage – or lack thereof – may be one of the most daunting issues facing divorcing couples. Fortunately,…
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Where Is The Equitable In Equitable Distribution? Part 3
-A divorce is not going to make whole what you didn’t resolve in the marriage. You are ending the marriage…
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Where Is The Equitable in Equitable Distribution? Part 2
-In Part 1, we looked at the legal treatment of marriage as an unemotional financial partnership. This is intrinsically problematic…
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Where Is The Equitable in Equitable Distribution? Part 1
-One of the challenges of divorce is dealing with two types of equity – emotionaland financial – when the two…
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The Case For Clear Communication – Part 4b
-Using Communication Responsibly and Effectively After inquiring and centering within, you are prepared to venture without. Without Once you have…
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The Case for Clear Communication – Part 4a
-Using Communication Responsibly and Effectively As our spiritual masters teach us, as within, so without. For our purposes, I will…
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The Case For Clear Communication – Part 3
-“The Verbal Eye Roll/ The Shakespearian Aside” Having covered venting in the previous blog, let’s look at another form of…
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The Case For Clear Communication – Part 2
-In the last blog, we looked at the importance of effective communication, distinguishing it from self expression. Self expression can…
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The Case For Clear Communication
-I’ve heard it said that in heaven there is no need for speech because everyone is completely fulfilled. Here on…
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If It’s Not Working, Acknowledge It And Move On
-It seems to be a human tendency, upon discovering that something is not working, to cling to it for dear…
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A Happier New Year – 2013
-The New Year brings the opportunity to look ahead with a clean slate. For divorcing couples this can be an…
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Five Things Divorcing Couples Need To Know – Part 2
-Part 1 of this article reprint covered the first two things that divorcing couples need to know to help themselves…
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Five Things Divorcing Couples Need To Know – Part 1
-I have the greatest respect for people facing divorce. I know first hand, heart and head, the courage one must…
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Three Tips To An Effective Mediation
-One of the benefits of mediation is that clients save money – a lot of money – compared to the…
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Five Things Divorcing Couples Need To Know
-I have the greatest respect for people facing divorce. I know first hand, heart and head, the courage one must…
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Three Tips To Save Money In Mediation
-One of the benefits of mediation is that clients save money – a lot of money – compared to the…
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A Happier New Year
-The New Year brings with it the opportunity to look ahead to a clean slate. For divorcing couples this can…
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The Alexander Group LLC – Mediation and Family Law
-The purpose of this blog is to offer information and support to people going through, or contemplating divorce. Rachel Alexander,…