How to Save Money and Affirm Life by Mediating Your Divorce
{4 -6 minutes to read} Of course, there is not a person alive who wants to spend more money than necessary on their divorce. Though one may have a “vacation account,” no one has a “divorce account.” Although divorce can sometimes feel like a medical procedure, it is not covered by health insurance.
Regardless of the extent of financial assets or how fathomless one’s pockets, to spend money unnecessarily on divorce is imprudent.
So, I want to invite you, who are thinking about divorce, to give some careful thought to where you want to invest your resources:
Are you willing to set aside $40,000 or $50,000 each to pursue an adversarial process?
If you could finalize your divorce for under $10,000, are there things you could do with those unused funds that could bring security, aliveness, well-being?
Could that money be used for something restorative or rejuvenating, once the divorce process is complete?
What could be done with an extra $20,000-$40,000 to spend? Pursuing the adversarial process can easily cost that much and more.
Instead of wasting money on litigation, how about:
Taking a holiday;
Paying off credit-card debt;
Paying for summer camp for the next few summers;
Contributing to college savings;
Contributing to retirement funds;
Getting a massage once a month;
Saying “yes” more often to the children, and yourself, for small indulgences;
Eating out one extra night a month;
Saving the whales, or helping to anyway;
Treating a relative or friend to his plane ticket to visit you;
Keeping the domestic help you would otherwise give up;
Keeping your gym membership;
Going to that spa or baseball game or yoga retreat
Fund a “safety net account” for those extraordinary expenses that arise (a broken boiler, leaking roof, medical expense)
Fund an “activities/extracurricular account” for expenses like travel soccer fees, hotel rooms, uniforms for cheerleading, party dresses, interview clothes, birthday gift.
Some of these expenses can catch one off-guard, the anticipation of which causes consistent, low-level stress. Saving money and designating “buckets” for particular expenses can help manage this.
Connect the dots between the positive impact of NOT overspending on divorce.
No one (apart from a sadist) would pay $100,000 for a stressful, painful, acrimonious, protracted, loss-of-control, bilious experience. No one would knowingly pay to have pain, drain their family resources—both financially and emotionally—and incur stress and debt that bleeds into every area of life, at least for a time.
Managing the conflict of divorce through mediation substantially reduces angst and cost. Mediation simultaneously increases possibilities for creative resolutions while addressing and managing sources of stress. Mediation is good for the family and good for the pocketbook.
Spending money can be a pleasure, not a trauma. When families spend money mindfully and wisely, they maintain more control of their lives.
During divorce, money concerns loom large. When litigating a divorce, spending often becomes a runaway train: critical, out of control, dangerous. Expenditures feel urgent but unsatisfying; uncertainty prevails. Instead of investing money in life-affirming endeavors, wasting money in litigation drains resources with sieve-like speed and indiscretion, further taxing a family already in crisis.
Gain control by allocating assets for anticipated expenses.
Divorce can be expensive. The residual pride from thoughtfully navigating the upheaval of divorce, is priceless.
Divorce or no, dream a little bit about what would be happy and fulfilling. Save your money by avoiding an adversarial process. Approach your divorce laparoscopically, not destructively. Use funds judiciously to further resolution. Let your savings, and refreshed money-mindset, serve as a prologue to the next volume of your life.