Reentering the workforce can be among the most daunting tasks arising out of a divorce. Typically one spouse, during the marriage, has pulled his or her primary focus away from career and onto family and home life.
Many of us over the age of 40 — who have been either consistently working in our profession or at home with children for a decade or more — wouldn’t have the first idea how to begin the process of finding a job. Everything — from how to prepare for an interview, submit a resume, or utilize online databases for job searches — can be overwhelming.
Often people approach this subject with a clutch of desperation, and generate solutions from a place of panic. Immediate impulses (and concomitant thoughts) may be along the lines of:
I’ll just have to go get a job at McDonald’s or Home Depot.
I’ll have to work at minimum wage and won’t make enough income to meaningfully pay my expenses.
If I return to work, I won’t earn enough to even cover the child-care I’ll need in order to work. Where is the sense in that?
Who will hire me? They are only hiring kids in their 20s in this field.
This type of reactive thinking generally comes out of franticness and panic, deprivation and fear. It is often rooted in concepts and ideas that are decades out of date. A decision made from this place is typically neither good nor sustainable. In fact, any choice made under such pressure can feel punishing.
Is there another way forward? A way to approach re-employment that is more steadying, life affirming and empowering?
From Fear to Choice — From Choice to Control
In exploring how people can be best supported and helped reentering the workforce, I met with Katherine Kirkinis, ED.M., M.A. Her group, Wanderlust Careers, focuses exclusively on clients reentering, or repositioning themselves within, the workforce. In fact, most of Katherine’s clients have been out of the workforce for extended periods by the time they seek help from her firm. Katherine and her group employ an imaginative, holistic and affirming approach.
Katherine’s approach is antidotal to the sense of urgency and anxiety often governing the client’s own approach. Her system puts the individual at the center, and organizes the entire strategy and change process from there. Rather than trying to squeeze a person into a position that may or may not be a good long-term fit, she helps the client to develop a plan that meets not only their interests, strengths, and skills — but one that also fits within the boundaries the clients may have set for themselves (e.g., salary requirements, geographic location, educational attainment etc.).
Having reframed how reentering the workforce can be managed, the following three parts of this series will explore several key components of the process and provide immediately actionable items. We look forward to sharing these articles next.
Re-Entering the Workforce Post Divorce Part 2
Before plunging headfirst into a job search, pause for some self-inquiry and goal setting. Like surveying a crowded room before entering, you might first step back and read the atmosphere. Rather than obfuscating or complicating this first step, I advocate for inserting a step that is both essential and conscientious — one that will make the other stairs easier to climb. Before loading the car and setting out on that cross-country road trip, one first maps the voyage and enters the destination into the GPS. That is what we will do together, here.
What is wanted in going back to work?
When approaching re-entering the world of work, one might do a self-inquiry in preparation for a session with Katherine Kirkinis, ED.M., M.A. of Wanderlust Careers, who consulted for this series. Some Wanderlust Careers-style questions might be:
- What’s important to you — in general?
- What are your financial needs and how immediate are they?
- What would make you happy in the long term?
- In what kinds of situations do you feel most at ease? Most challenged? Most fulfilled?
- When and where have you succeeded in the past?
- In which kinds of situations have you felt stultified, claustrophobic, overwhelmed — and why?
- What sorts of tasks do you find fulfilling? Dull?
- What are you willing to negotiate, and what is a deal-breaker?
- What would your ideal work/career situation look like tomorrow? 6 months? 5 years?
- What would you be willing and able to do in pursuit of that?
- What do you miss about being in the workforce? What do you dread?
No Skill-Based Decisions
Just because you can do it, doesn’t mean you should. A friend of mine has experience in accounting and bookkeeping, an employable skill, but he hates it.
Katherine and other coaches at Wanderlust Careers steer their clients away from making what they call “skill-based decisions.” A solely skill-based decision will likely not lead to long-term, sustainable work satisfaction. Given the goal is not only to get a job, but to enjoy it and to maintain it for a chosen duration, a career decision must be more comprehensively informed.
Your current skillset need not govern nor limit the jobs you pursue. Skills are gained and learned — you can add on to your skillset and use it to support the career direction you please. Furthermore, whatever skillset you currently have can likely be transferred into another career direction (e.g., a formal travel agent may have a strong set of logistical and organizational skills that could easily be applied to a variety of other positions — from operations to production).
Make a holistic career decision
- What environment do you like to work in? (eg. do you enjoy working alone or on a team?)
- Do you work well when there’s noise or do you like a quiet space?
- In which activities are you most alive? Most confident? Gratified?
- Would you rather work from home (presuming a post-COVID-19 world)?
- Do you prefer flexibility or do you enjoy the structure of a consistent schedule?
Answers to these questions help you make value-based decisions, in service of your life goals and your individuality.
What will really work for you, now?
How much effort are you willing — or currently able — to put into achieving the job of your dreams? For example, you may want a very well compensated position but are only willing to work 8 hours a week.
- If prestige is important, how much effort and time are you willing to commit?
- What is your risk tolerance versus need for a regular paycheck?
What are your current circumstances and how do they figure into your work plan?
Let’s say you have limited duration alimony for a term of four years. In that position, depending upon a slew of other factors, of course, you may have four years before you have to be fully self-supporting. That will inform your immediate options and shape your long-term plan. A term of alimony might provide the opportunity to take a lower paying position in order to gain experience in a chosen field or to focus on education to gain new skills — so that by the time alimony ends, you can garner the salary you will then require.
Conversely, if you need to be self-supporting out of the gate, the financial reality may call for a different approach. Katherine and her colleagues at Wanderlust Careers may help a client with a “dual-plan” wherein they strategize with the client to get a “stepping stone” position that allows them to earn an income immediately, while also taking actions towards long-term job satisfaction.
The next installment in this series addresses Wanderlust Careers’ Dual-Plan Approach and how it can help clients meet immediate needs while still moving towards long-term work gratification.
Re-Entering the Workforce Post Divorce Part 3
Sometimes simple necessity requires a short-term plan. However, a short-term plan need not replace or obfuscate a more comprehensive, pursuit-of-happiness-driven long-term plan. Short-term plans often address immediate needs: for income, social interactions or personal autonomy. Short-term plans address immediate action such as pursuing a “now” job. This can be done while keeping in mind, and in fact, creating a long-term plan.
Both long- and short-term plans can exist at the same time. Knowing this can empower one’s perspective — it grants permission to do two important things at once instead of the default, which is often choosing one and sacrificing the other.
The value of the short-term solution
Apart from being necessary, a short-term solution has some additional gifts. Attending to oneself in the current reality, however unwanted that reality may be, is grounding. When you are able to take care of yourself in the world as it exists, to respond adeptly to the demands of the moment, you grow your sense of security and well-being.
Training programs of all kinds can boost confidence as well as competence
What is meant by a long-term plan?
A longer term career plan encompasses where you ultimately want to be. It may include steps like gaining experience through non-paying internships or volunteer positions and taking courses to refresh skills or gain aptitude in a chosen arena before entering it professionally. Training programs of all kinds can boost confidence as well as competence. By enriching your knowledge base, you become more valuable to an employer, but you also clarify your own preferences and strengths. Through exposure to new thought and by utilizing aspects of your less-exercised capabilities, possibilities open up, offering more channels to explore.
Gaining ease with new or even fundamental technology helps bridge one of the divides between past and present and ease the overwhelm that can make entering the workforce after a long absence so daunting.
Going back to school – not necessarily what you thought
Re-education need not be pursuing a master’s degree or returning to school full-time. Today there are all kinds of certifications, online classes, and weekend courses. Now there are more online options than ever, so even the most challenging schedules need not pose an obstacle to education. In fact, many graduate programs are geared towards working adults. With recent education on your resume, you demonstrate your motivation and enterprise to potential employers while also benefiting from the training itself.
Katherine Kirkinis, Ed.M., M.A. from Wanderlust Careers notes that additional education can be something that you’re doing for yourself, but it has a dual benefit. For example, consider a two-week online, personal finance class. This is a time- and cost-limited commitment that can not only boost your resume but can also help you gain insight into whether your chosen career path is right for you. Katherine adds that young people tend to choose their first career paths without trying them out in some way first, such as by talking to professionals, working in the field, engaging in experiential education, or conducting research, and this can be detrimental. A bit of early exploration can prevent a more costly and disruptive change later.
How long does formulating a long-term plan take?
The ultimate goal for Wanderlust Careers’ clients is long-term fulfillment, yet this does not mean that Katherine and her colleagues work with clients for indefinite stretches. Quite the contrary. The Career Assessment process is the service recommended to clients struggling with choosing a career path. It uses a comprehensive battery of tests to assess interests, skills, personality, values, and work style to help clients make data-driven career choices. The assessment process takes only two to three weeks. From there an action plan and strategy is created and clients are ready to begin moving in a new direction.
Katherine notes that Wanderlust Careers’ work is short-term, solution-based, and goal-oriented to get clients earning incomes and enjoying their work lives — whether by establishing their own businesses or reentering the workforce.
A major question for many clients is: what is the right career choice for me? The truth is there are many right fits for each person. Katherine states, “There’s a myth going around about career and love — that you need to find ‘the one’. That there is only one. But there is not — there are multiple good fits for everyone.”
Many job-seekers face conflicts of needs; perhaps you need to earn $100,000 a year to be financially comfortable, but the re-education effort that you’re willing, or able, to manage is minimal; or perhaps you only want to work part-time.
- If re-education is not a viable option, are there other adjustments you can make?
- Are you willing to earn less money and gain more freedom?
When you get the right support, much becomes possible.
Katherine’s approach encompasses a hearty attitude. She expects that her clients will land their jobs and meet their goals — these are foregone conclusions. This is comforting and helpful. It’s an attitude of: “let’s get this to happen and let’s do it in an intelligent, holistic way.” Together.
Thanks to Katherine Kirkinis for her contributions to this article and the Re-Entering the Workforce series.
Re-Entering the Workforce Post Divorce Part 4
Katherine Kirkinis, ED.M., M.A. of Wanderlust Careers, our friend and consultant on this series, routinely works with people who have been out of the job force for as long as 20 years. Long absences from the workforce create particular challenges that can be addressed proactively and intelligently. Technology, work environments, expectations of employers — these are but a few factors that change with the times.
Class – Find One
Even before considering sending out resumes, find a free online or local class to brush up on some basic skills. Computer skills like word processing are a good place to start. Most jobs require some proficiency with Outlook or Word simply to schedule a meeting or draft a letter. At the very least, you need some facility to turn the machine on and off. Or recognize the machine when you see it.
Technology intimidation can add needlessly to a sense of fearfulness and incompetence — of being out of step and out of touch.
In a relatively inconsequential way, and in a safe space, you can build your tolerance for the unfamiliar, grow your patience with yourself, and strengthen your sense of relevance and confidence. And, when you are introducing yourself to potential employers, you can say, “Here is what I have been doing.” You are, in effect, reentering the work world even before endeavoring to land a job!
Start Anywhere – get the juices flowing and move those (possibly arthritic, certainly stiff) joints!
Start with anything about which you are even remotely curious. How do you organize the pantry? When do you plant tomatoes? What makes a good spreadsheet, balanced checkbook, calendar invite, Zoom meeting, website, Facebook post? Open your laptop. There are lots of things to dip into from the comfort of your couch. What is being offered at your local library? What piques your interest? Start anywhere. Getting curious and active will help move your energy in the right direction — the direction of participation and engagement. Nothing is irrelevant or a waste of time because this is first about movement, and then inertia. A sit-up is not an actual Olympic sport, yet basic exercises are a fundamental part of fitness, utilized by all athletes en route to competing.
[Lucy] “You have some ‘splaining to do”
Even though you have been out of the workforce, it is time to bid farewell to that paradigm that you have been doing nothing or been a useless member of society. In fact, you have likely grown, developed, and contributed in thousands of ways that simply have not garnered a regular paycheck — ways that you have not considered because that limiting paradigm was blocking you from asking yourself the right questions. Thank goodness we are here!
People who have been out of the workforce for a while do have to explain what they have been doing during their gap time. The question is not, “What haven’t you been doing,” but “What have you been doing?” This is important. You need not excuse yourself, but rather articulate how you have been spending your time. Usually, people are doing quite a lot.
Maybe you have been substitute teaching, managing the household bills, coaching soccer, organizing the family calendar, caring for elderly relatives, volunteering for Get Out the Vote. Maybe you have planned thousands of meals, arranged holiday travels, tutored your kids through Algebra, designed and decorated a home, worked closely with an architect when you did an addition. Maybe you were helping care for a child with special needs, liaising between the child’s school, advocating for the necessary support and IEP.
What skills have you developed during this period of ‘non-working’ time? Which of your abilities have you depended upon most over these years?
What did you like about what you were doing? What did you feel good about? Your achievements? Challenges?
Katherine gives an example of the useful and marketable skills someone can offer from their non-professional blogging or adroit Facebook posting.
Start brainstorming. Put your discoveries into a Word document, if you’re taking a computer class, or on an old yellow legal pad if you’re not. When you start to keep a record, you will find that you are definitely doing something, and you certainly have a good deal to offer.