Rachel Alexander, ESQ.
Alimony & Spousal Support Mediation
Alexander Mediation Group is a professional divorce mediation firm serving couples and families throughout New Jersey, New York City, and the Hamptons. Our mediator can help you work through your divorce's financial, emotional, and legal issues.
Rachel Alexander, ESQ.
Alexander Mediation Group
Rachel Alexander is a family law attorney and professional mediator specializing in family-related matters. For over 20 years, Rachel has handled various family law cases, including divorce, child custody, child support, prenuptial agreements, and more. Learn more about Rachel.
Addressing Alimony & Spousal Support in Mediation
Define the Support Questions You Need to Resolve
Alimony, also known as spousal support or spousal maintenance, is financial support paid by one spouse to the other. The discussion of support is not limited to whether or not support will be paid. The discussion of support encompasses the term or length of support, and the events that will end or otherwise modify or terminate support.
Mediation does not treat support as a punishment for the paying party or a reward for the receiving party. While mediation holds space for the strong and complex feelings and beliefs accompanying alimony discussions, mediation seeks to reframe the conversation. In mediation, the economic well-being of both parties is of paramount importance. The goal is to arrive at fair, thoughtful solutions that are manageable for both parties.
Work from Clear Financial Information
A useful support discussion begins with a shared understanding of the financial circumstances involved. The parties are helped to gain clarity by collecting relevant data and reviewing it in a standardized manner. Parties build a comprehensive, factual financial picture upon which they can agree and from which they can work. Mediation provides a place for parties to examine the assumptions or misinformation they may erroneously rely on, engage in a factual analysis, and then, from an informed position, explore options and solutions that best serve them.
This process helps the parties make informed choices, appreciating that decisions around support cannot be made in isolation. Each financial decision is made in the context of every other financial decision.
Consider Support as Part of the Full Settlement
Support decisions can be connected to property division, retirement assets, marital debt, housing, and other financial terms. A change in one part of the proposed settlement may affect what feels fair or workable elsewhere. In mediation, several terms may remain tentative while the parties consider how the agreement functions as a whole.
Related financial decisions may include the equitable distribution of assets, and all decisions are reflected in a property settlement agreement, Marital Settlement Agreement, or stipulation of settlement.
Address Temporary and Longer-Term Needs
Some couples need to discuss temporary spousal support during the period between the start of mediation or court proceedings and the final resolution of the divorce. Others are focused on the longer-term arrangement that will be included in their settlement.
Looking at both time periods distinctly can help parties address their specific needs and stabilize situations that have felt unfair. The parties can identify which needs are important, and implement immediate solutions, while continuing to work on the terms of their final agreement.
Document the Agreement with Specific Terms
Once the parties reach decisions, the support arrangement should state the amount, term, and relevant termination events clearly. Specific written terms are more useful than a general promise to provide financial help when possible.
Clear documentation gives both parties a common reference after the divorce. It also preserves how the support decision fits with the other financial terms they accepted as part of the complete settlement.
Monthly Divorce Support Groups
A welcoming space for individuals navigating divorce, separation, or the contemplation of significant relationship change.
Alimony & Spousal Support Mediation FAQ
Are Alimony and Spousal Support the Same Thing?
The terms are commonly used to describe financial support paid by one spouse to the other. Spousal maintenance is another term used for this type of support. The terminology may differ, but the mediation discussion focuses on the specific support questions the parties need to resolve.
What Can We Decide in Alimony Mediation?
The parties may need to decide whether support will be paid and, if so, its amount, duration, and the circumstances under which it will terminate. Parties discuss how the support arrangement relates to other financial decisions in the divorce and how the final terms will be documented.
Can Mediation Address Temporary Spousal Support?
Yes. Temporary spousal support, called pendente lite support, may be needed while mediation or court proceedings are underway, and before the divorce is resolved. Mediation gives the parties a place to discuss any interim need as well as the longer-term needs intended for the final settlement.
How Does Alimony Relate to the Property Division?
Support and property decisions can be interdependent. The parties may consider different combinations of support, property, retirement assets, debt, and other financial terms before settling on the complete agreement. Reviewing the full picture helps them understand the tradeoffs within a proposed resolution.
Can Spousal Support Be Revisited After Divorce?
A significant change in circumstances such as changes in income, employment, retirement, or other new situations may lead former spouses to consider different support terms. Post-divorce mediation allows parties to discuss a possible modification and, if they agree, develop written terms that reflect their new agreement.
When circumstances change after the original agreement, post-divorce mediation may provide a structured environment to discuss the next steps.
Subscribe to Our Monthly Newsletter
When navigating the unfamiliar terrain of divorce, it’s important to be accompanied by both fellow voyagers and expert guides.
By submitting this form, you are consenting to receive marketing emails from: Alexander Mediation Group, 37 Bay View Drive East, Sag Harbor, NY 11963, United States. You can revoke your consent to receive marketing emails at any time using the SafeUnsubscribe® link found at the bottom of every email. Emails are serviced by Constant Contact. Our Privacy Policy.
50-50 parenting still requires 100% from both parents
Custody can be a loaded term, filled with implicit threats of loss — loss of control, loss of time, and loss of one’s children. Custody, both a legal and colloquial term, can render images of wailing children wrenched from the arms of panicking parents. One of my tasks as a mediator is to challenge antiquated, […]
What About the Pets?
What about the pets? It's not a foregone conclusion that separation or divorce means divorcing or forsaking your pet. That would be too heartbreaking for words, is avoidable, and is therefore unacceptable. Pets are a topic that folks often raise sheepishly, appreciating that when it comes to matrimonial law, divorce, and equitable distribution, animals are […]
Is This Marriage Viable & How to Evaluate
Couples’ counselor Meredith Keller explains how the willingness to discuss difficult relationship issues can help determine whether a marriage is viable. She also examines the important difference between an unwillingness to communicate and a lack of communication skills.
Are We as Modern as We Think? Gender Role Reversal in Divorce Doesn’t Necessarily Add Up
What happens when the father is the stay-at-home spouse and the mother is the primary earner? Can we simply swap out the term husband for wife and expect an equitable outcome? Let’s see. In cases where the mother is the stay-at-home parent and the father is the full-time working parent, the children typically reside with […]
Status Quo
to the best of your ability, keep on keeping on. Status quo has an important legal meaning for people going through a divorce. Status quo, meaning “the existing state of affairs,” informs divorcing parties what they are expected to do while they are in the process of divorcing. This interim time, the pendente lite period (pendency of […]
Don’t Weaponize the Children
In a recent divorce negotiation, a father raised several concerns about entering into a custody and parenting agreement for their nine-year-old son. His concerns are both legitimate and pertinent to most divorcing couples who are also parents of young children. Below are two of his concerns with my responses. Father’s Concern: “If I agree to […]
A Couple Walked Into a Marriage Counselor: The Problem & The Solution
Couples often struggle when one or both partners expect the other to manage their difficult emotions. Marriage counselor Meredith Keller explains how personal responsibility, space for both voices, and healthier communication can help couples respond more constructively.
The Good News About Infidelity – Parts 1 – 3
This article, part of the series with our partner and friend, couples therapist Meredith Keller, LPC, ACS, explores unfaithfulness and infidelity, challenging the misconception that they always necessitate the end of a marriage. While an affair usually signals marital issues requiring attention, infidelity need not necessitate divorce. There has long been the belief that divorce is the […]
Gottman: “Oh S^%&T, Your Marriage Is in Trou-ble”
In this article, we continue our series with colleague Meredith Keller, LPC, ACS, couples’ therapist, who explores with us the primary reasons couples come to her in the first place. Meredith identifies one of the primary issues in struggling marriages as this: one or both parties are unable to monitor – and moderate – their own […]
Preventing Trauma – A Guide
Because trauma is painful, complex, and difficult to resolve, what can we do to prevent it? How can we intervene in the place between hurt and harm? This is the space where we can make a difference. The healing is in the quality of listening. The power is in the relating. The same unhappy event […]